Identify and reject unhealthy expressions of anger. Here are three examples: a. Caving in. This response goes something like this: "Well, I'm an angry person because that's what was modeled to me as a child! And besides, I'm fill in your nationality here , you know - it's genetic! The good news is God can change that pattern in our life if we are willing to cooperate with Him. Someone has written: "To err is human — to blame it on somebody else is even more human.
You are responsible to manage your anger. Assume ownership for it instead of blaming others. This expression involves shoving your anger underground. Submerged anger often leads to bitterness, the nursing of grudges, difficulty granting forgiveness and eventually depression. We do not want to cave in to our anger. We don't want to blame others for it.
And we do not want to submerge it. So how does a leader deal with anger in appropriate ways that lend to mental health?
Five ways to express anger properly. In Ephesians the apostle Paul commanded his friends "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger. He was encouraging his readers to deal with them. We do not get rid of our anger by pushing it down or pretending it is not there. We get rid of it by learning to express it appropriately. Let's consider some ways to apply Paul's instruction: a.
Understand the negative impact of mishandled anger. When we go ballistic it is destructive to ourselves and to those in the path of our rage.
Mishandled anger leaves a trail of relational destruction in its wake. It has the ability to isolate us from the people who love us the most. Take a step back and identify its roots. When you feel anger rising, ask yourself — "What is ticking me off here, really?
Why am I angry right now? Talking with others who will reflect the truth back to you can help. Identify relationships or situations where an emotional eruption is more likely.
Do you have any of those? Identify these kinds of people and situations ahead of time so you can spend additional minutes asking God for strength.
You may need to fast and pray depending on the circumstances. Become committed to forgive no matter what. The longer we lead, and the more people we serve, the more opportunities there will be to practice forgiveness. When we think about this subject, it is easy to become confused. Some Christians have been shamed or bullied into forgiving. Rarely have they been taught how to forgive. Just let them roll off our back and simply move on. But there are some wounds that run deep and require time to process.
He had been deeply betrayed by someone close to him. Real forgiveness is not possible without acknowledging the anger you feel about the offense and the resulting wound. In fact, some counselors believe you cannot fully forgive someone until you have acknowledged the pain he or she has caused you. Some leaders jump the gun when it comes to forgiveness as a coping mechanism to avoid the difficult work of identifying the source of their anger. In Matthew Jesus said "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
We end up mouthing the words "I forgive you" while our heart remains in an emotional rage. The intent of Jesus' words in Matthew 6 is that we commit ourselves to get to the place where genuine forgiveness is possible. And depending on the severity of the wound, the process takes commensurate time.
In deeply hurtful circumstances, you may have extended forgiveness a while back, but occasionally something will trigger the memory of the wound and you feel anger again. If and when this occurs, do not despair. It does not mean the forgiving you extended a while back wasn't valid — it just means there is more forgiving to do.
Keep at it until the process is complete. You may wonder "How do I know when I'm done forgiving a person? All I can say is if you no longer wish a slow, painful death on the offender, you know you're making progress. Learn to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive. Inappropriate language, screaming and swinging our fists are examples of aggressive reactions to anger. Withdrawing or submerging your feelings are examples of passivity. Assertiveness, on the other hand, means standing up for your legitimate rights and respectfully expressing your needs.
Let me give you several examples of assertively expressing anger. I currently work for an information technology company. My role includes supporting sales executives from a design perspective. I remember one particular client meeting where the sales executive cut me off twice in the middle of making what was about to be a brilliant point.
I said nothing to him about this during the client meeting. Afterwards in private I mentioned the multiple interruptions to him and how it made me feel as though he didn't trust me to say the right thing. I told him that I understood we had not worked together much, but if we were going to work well together, he needed to stop cutting me off.
His response was mature and he agreed. And from that point on, our relationship has improved. The key here was being clear with my colleague about what my specific needs were in that particular situation without ripping his head off. On another occasion I had a direct report who consistently arrived late for work. Her peers were growing agitated about her tardiness because they ended up having to cover for her. Their discontent filtered back to me and I called the offender into my office.
My conversation with her was brief: "It has come to my attention that you have been consistently late to work over the past several weeks. Is that accurate? I was caught off guard by her honest response. I recovered quickly and replied "when you show up late you are stealing from the company, you are angering your peers who have to pick up your slack and consequently you are angering me.
If you do not modify your behavior — aka — show up on time — we will take this to the next disciplinary level. I wish I could report to you our chat fixed the problem, but it did not.
She no longer works for the organization. These types of encounters don't always end perfectly. Remember you are not responsible for the way a person responds to you when you assertively call them on the carpet for behavior that violates you. Your responsibility is to speak the truth in love to them. When I was a lead pastor, I did not fully understand this principle.
I was uneven with how I applied it. I did well speaking the truth in love to most of the people in the congregation.
I struggled with stronger personalities, especially those who were key leaders. When they crossed a boundary, I tended to stuff my anger out of fear rather than deal with the issue directly.
This inconsistency was a key contributor to my battle with depression. Pastor if you want to get healthy emotionally and stay that way, you have no choice when it comes to the behavioral building block of managing your anger.
The good news is that you are capable. You can learn how to talk with people just like I did to the sales executive and to my direct report. You can learn how to express your anger in a way that honors God and keeps you mentally and emotionally healthy at the same time. Remember, when you respond to your anger with aggression you hurt others. When you respond to it passively, you hurt yourself. When you express it assertively and in love, it helps you build a strong emotional foundation for your life, and it provides a good model for others to follow.
But your work is not finished. Another building block is required. You must learn how to protect yourself from abuse. This piece includes establishing and enforcing healthy relational boundaries.
It requires a leader to understand the special dynamics introduced by an abusive or toxic personality. An abusive or toxic personality is defined simply as one that harms people either verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually, or spiritually. They refuse to allow others to hold an opinion contrary to their own. This type of individual seeks to manipulate people through coercion, false guilt and fear.
Their primary interest is to control. A perfect example of toxic personalities can be found in the Gospel of John, Chapter 9. Here we see an abusive response by the Pharisees to a man born blind.
He was miraculously healed by Jesus and when he gave credit to Christ for his healing, the Pharisees reacted by using fear and intimidation in an attempt to get this guy to change his story. When the healed man stood his ground, they brought out the big guns In a biblical leadership model, a pastor does not willingly put himself in the path of such people.
And when he cannot detour around them, he does not allow them to do damage to his mental and emotional well-being. In 2 Timothy the apostle Paul provided clear direction on this subject to the young pastor, Timothy. The Lord will repay him for what he has done. Apparently Alexander the metalworker was an abuser. His tendency toward this made him dangerous. Whenever it is possible and practical, Paul teaches us here to avoid these types of people.
When that is not possible or practical, here are some safeguards you can deploy to protect yourself: 1. Stand up for yourself.
You must become convinced that this is the right thing to do. It is the cornerstone of protecting yourself from abusive people. If you don't believe it is the right thing to do, you are going to struggle. When my oldest son was in third grade, he was getting pushed around every day during recess by a much larger schoolmate.
My son was understandably upset by this ongoing behavior, so I sketched out a strategy for him to deal with it. Guber started shoving my son around again and he responded with a right cross to Guber's schnazz.
Problem solved. Yes, I realize this is not politically correct, and I had to smooth things over with the principal, but Guber never bullied my son again.
I am not suggesting that you should start punching out people in your congregation. The point here is when you are confronted with abuse from a toxic personality, understand you have the right to draw a clear relational boundary and refuse to be treated poorly.
Understand the difference between persecution and abuse. Being persecuted for your faith is different than being abused by someone who is simply obnoxious. In Matthew Jesus told his disciples - "Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Protecting ourselves requires us to distinguish between persecution versus simply being in the path of mean-spirited people.
Don't confuse the two scenarios — they are not the same. Identify your own unhealthy relational patterns. If you grew up in an abusive home, be aware that subconsciously you may be drawn to toxic people or situations because something about them seems strangely familiar.
Even when what is familiar to you may be emotionally unhealthy, it can be less intimidating than a healthy environment which is unfamiliar to you. Messed up, isn't it? In fact, being around healthy people may seem boring to you if you grew up in an emotionally abusive home. A pastor friend relayed the following story to me: A husband who had been out of work for years finally landed a good job.
Within two months, his wife asked for a divorce. My friend was stunned. He had spent numerous hours "pre-job" encouraging the couple to hang in there. Why would the wife ask for a divorce right on the heels of their prayers being answered? As he dug deeper, he learned the environment the wife grew up in was chaotic — she lived with an alcoholic father. His addiction produced considerable drama in the home which spilled over into his work life.
She had become accustomed to dysfunction And when the chaos in her marriage was reduced, apparently she could not handle a healthier normal. Pastor it pays to examine your family of origin and its unique relational dynamics as preparation for dealing with abusive people.
If you were raised in a toxic situation — be advised you will be at increased risk of being subconsciously drawn to unhealthy people.
Spend time with healthy people. You need to be deliberate about this objective. Finding a circle of good friends will provide a measure of protection from abusive relationships. Understand that healthy people are not perfect — we are all works in progress. Gives you permission to be human b. Allows you to express your opinion, even when it is contrary to theirs c.
Does not try to control you d. Is trustworthy Choose wisely who you spend your discretionary time with and your emotional health will prosper. Proverbs teaches us "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. Practice self-love when attacked. When abusive people try to intimidate or victimize you, keep telling yourself the truth: "I am infinitely loved and respected by God.
I am a capable person. I don't deserve to be treated this way. In 1 Kings 18 we see King Ahab holding a conference with the prophet Elijah. And in verse 17 his initial greeting to Elijah was: "Is that you, you troubler of Israel? Ahab was described in 1 Kings as a leader who "did more evil in the eyes of the Lord than any of those before him.
It was their evil, idolatrous and abusive behavior that brought trouble upon Israel. Yet here we see Ahab blaming the prophet for the mess that he and his wife had created. The king's warped version of reality is characteristic of abusive personalities. No matter how disingenuous and inaccurate their version of an event is, they absolutely believe their account is the truth.
Protect yourself from people who operate at this level of self-deception by practicing healthy self-talk when they attack you. Understand what "loving your enemy" really means. In Matthew Jesus taught His disciples: "You have heard it said, love your neighbor, but hate your enemy.
Jesus took issue with that idea by declaring "Love your neighbor — but love your enemy too. What was He trying to tell us? Two things stand out to me. First, Jesus was teaching us not to allow hatred to lodge itself in our heart because it is cancerous. Hatred usually damages the hater more than the object of their hate. The second thing that stands out to me in Matthew comes in the form of a question: what does it mean to genuinely love our enemies?
If someone is verbally abusing you, is it loving to just sit there and take it or is it more loving to call him on the carpet for his behavior? Is it not true that this type of sinning is hurting him too? Is it more loving to let him continue harming himself or to draw a line in the sand with the dual intention of protecting yourself and seeing him repent? You are not responsible for his repentance — but you are responsible to protect yourself. Loving your enemy means you care about them and want the best for them.
It can even include praying for them. However, it does not imply you allow them to take advantage of you. Consistently address abuse when it happens. Let me tell you the story of Lou Ann not her real name. I was teaching in her church a while back, and after speaking on the subject of protecting oneself from abuse, she came up to chat.
Lou Ann was in her mid-to-late 40s and lived with a verbally abusive dad. He was a recent widower, and once his wife was gone, she became his new verbal punching bag. She told me — "if I just put up with it a while longer, maybe he'll come to the Lord. I'm running on fumes. Both parties in the relationship are losing.
The reality is if we do not tell the truth to the abusive people in our life, if we tolerate their actions without standing up for ourselves, deep down we end up resenting them anyway. And I don't know about you, but I have a hard time even wanting to be near someone I resent, much less trying to win them to Christ.
There is a better way Speak the truth in love. Chances are they will not understand your response right away and may even react to you harshly. Stay consistent and over time they should get the message. If they do not, avoid this person whenever possible.
Pastor, this second building block is critical to developing and maintaining emotional health. If you are serious about longevity in the ministry you must learn to protect yourself from difficult and dangerous people. And the good news is that with practice, you can develop that skill. There is one additional behavioral building block you will need to deploy The day I brought it home from the dealership, my wife's first response was: "Oh that's a cute truck!
Awesome — certainly. My cute, I mean awesome truck has an RPM gauge that displays a red line. I have noticed the only time the RPM needle comes close to the red line is when I punch the accelerator to pass other vehicles. Even when cruising at 70 mph, the gauge indicator is not close to the red line. To operate my truck near it for extended periods of time would be irresponsible.
Funny, we know better than to treat our vehicle's engine poorly, yet we pastors don't always know better when it comes to our mental and emotional engine. We often run at peak emotional RPMs for extended periods without giving ourselves time to cool down. God never intended for us to live this way. Refueling emotionally is the third behavioral building block a leader lays on the foundation of biblical self-love. This idea is uncharted territory for many spiritual leaders.
The idea of a balanced cadence of work and rest flies in the face of our culture. Yet the Bible is full of references to this principle. When I ask leaders if they have ever been taught how to do this, the answer is always "no.
Refueling emotionally requires us first to acknowledge that we are emotional beings. We consist of more than just body and spirit.
We are 3-part beings And the soul component includes our emotions. I am puzzled by well-meaning Christians who say: "If you pay attention to the spiritual part of your life, your emotional health will be taken care of. Why would you need to focus any time or energy on your emotions? No need to pay attention to nutrition and exercise? To be a well-rounded person we must pay attention to all three elements — spirit, body and soul.
Refueling emotionally requires us secondly to learn how to pay attention to the emotional part of our lives. This behavioral building block has nothing to do with being ruled by our emotions, but it has everything to do with paying attention to them. That means we figure out how to monitor the amount of fuel we have in our emotional tank. Here are several indicators: 1. Your pace. Pastor, are you maintaining a reasonable pace?
When I was a youth pastor at a large church my schedule was routinely packed. One day I remember calling my best friend, who was a lead pastor at another church, and bragging that I had 28 out of 30 nights scheduled in a particular month. I was waiting for him to commend me on what a dedicated servant of God I was, when he shot back two simple words — "Stop sinning! After an awkward silence, he continued "You are sinning against your family and against yourself. Knock it off! Not only was I sinning against myself, I was lying to myself by believing I could sustain that type of pace and not eventually pay a price.
Some pastors regularly pack their schedule with so many events they are like a power strip with too many appliances plugged into it.
There are so many things competing for their emotional current they are in danger of blowing a fuse. Paying attention to pace is not an invitation to laziness or a reason to become irresponsible. It is not an excuse to avoid using your leadership gifts to serve God and others. Rather, it is an appeal for sensible scheduling. Norman Vincent Peale — in his classic book, The Power of Positive Thinking — wrote, "It is impossible to have peace of soul if the pace is so feverishly accelerated.
God won't go that fast Emphasis mine. He will not endeavor to keep up with you. He says in effect, "Go ahead if you must with this foolish pace and when you are worn out I will offer My healing The only wise rate at which to live is God's rate.
Pastor if you want to lead for the long haul, you will need to refuel emotionally at regular intervals. And this requires you to pay attention to your pace. One of the more deceptive traps of spiritual leadership is running too fast because of the importance of our work.
We rationalize our hectic schedules by telling ourselves we are doing it for the kingdom of God. In the book of Genesis we see that God created the entire universe in six days and rested on the seventh. He didn't rest because He was tired He did it to set an example. Leaders make a mistake when they set a work pace that even God didn't set for Himself. Setting a reasonable work-rest cadence will make you a more effective and productive leader. It will allow you to lead for a longer time.
Paying attention to this indicator involves: a. Learning to lead out of rest. Wayne Cordeiro states: "When we rest, God continues His work. That nothing gets done unless they personally lead the charge. The result of believing this lie can cause a leader to overcommit and overschedule.
The result often is burn-out or depression — and in the long run - less productivity. The Bible promotes the principle of leading out of rest in both Old and New Testaments. We have already referred to Jesus' call to rest in Matthew He understood how to lead this way. When you observe Him in the Gospels, you discover that He was never stressed out, except for a brief moment in the Garden of Gethsemane understandable, I'm sure you will agree.
Jesus never appeared to be in a hurry. He was purposeful without being harried. He resisted the temptation to allow other people's expectations to influence His priorities. A prime example is when Jesus learned that His good friend Lazarus was seriously ill.
Instead of dropping everything and heading for Bethany, He stayed put for two days. Jesus was not being uncaring or irresponsible in this circumstance. He was demonstrating to us that He operated on His Father's timetable and nobody else's.
He was modeling healthy leadership. He wasn't encouraging us to skip a friend's funeral Nothing more And yet He was an incredibly successful leader. If Jesus is our model, why are we pastors so stressed out?
Could it be possible we have taken on some responsibilities which God never intended? Jesus demonstrated the principle of living and leading out of rest. He invites us to assume His yoke and burden, instead of our own. He wants us to follow His agenda and priorities instead of ours, or those others would like to place on us. Let's look at an Old Testament figure who understood the concept of leading out of rest. David is considered by many to be the greatest king in the Old Testament.
He certainly was not a perfect one. He made several huge mistakes, but Israel enjoyed some of its greatest years when he was their leader. David was the poster child for action and achievement. His most well-known writing — Psalm 23 — reveals several secrets to his leadership success. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness This helps you to lead out of the overflow produced in those quiet, reflective moments.
Wayne Cordeiro states: "We won't be held accountable for how much we have done, but for how much we have done of what He has asked us to do. But there are other components of this indicator you need to monitor.
Take your day off each week. This means more than simply not showing up at the office. It means resisting the urge to read work-related emails. It includes putting the smartphone on silent and keeping it as far away from you as possible.
If you have an emergency that swallows up your day off, then compensate the following week by taking additional time off.
Avoid the practice of allowing multiple weeks to run together with no down time. Learn when to stop. Listen to your body and to your brain.
After so many hours in a day or week, you get tired. Welcome to humanity. When you are genuinely tired, accept that as a God-given stop-signal instead of blowing by it and pushing through. Avoid the faulty logic that says after a full day of work "If I just put in three more hours, I'll get ahead.
Ever tried to dig a hole in sand? The hole just keeps getting filled in with more sand collapsing in from the sides. Even when you work the additional three hours, have you noticed that your schedule mysteriously gets filled up with more things to do? Here is one of the best sections in the article: "It's not just the number of hours we're working, but also the fact that we spend too many continuous hours juggling too many things at the same time.
What we've lost, above all, are stopping points, finish lines and boundaries. Develop the habit of weekly solitude. Every Saturday morning I spend minutes in total quietness by myself. I get up before my wife and the kids, and unplug from all noise and outside interference. The focus of that time includes thinking about how good God is; focusing on what He has done for me and for those I care about.
This is usually the most productive prayer time of my entire week. I don't talk to Him — rather I just sit quietly and listen. I encourage you to try this out. See if it helps you to regulate your pace and refuel your tank. Commit to rest even during busy seasons. When I was young, my dad used to tell me "John, you have to make hay while the sun shines. This thought process drove dad to work two jobs for a large portion of his life.
I am certain having nine children motivated him as well. I appreciate the work ethic my dad imparted to me, but there are some problems with this philosophical approach. As a leader it is tempting to live by the "make hay while the sun shines" mantra. Good things are happening, your organization is growing and opportunity is around every corner.
The temptation to "make hay while the sun shines" can be difficult to resist. We try to ride the wave for as long as we can, often ignoring our need for rest. The Israelites were commanded to observe Sabbath even during times of "plowing and harvest. Yet even in those seasons God made it clear that rest was not optional — it was essential. When a busy season is on the horizon deliberately make room in your schedule for rest, relaxation and renewal.
Block off time in your calendar for these pursuits and guard them carefully. A pastor told me one time "I'll rest when I die. And you think He's OK with that? It is difficult to unlearn dysfunctional patterns of working and replace them with healthy ones. Cordeiro writes: "We have learned to rest when the work is done. But the fact of the matter is the work will never be done. There will always be more to do. So Sabbath-rest becomes a command to respond to, not a result of nothing left to do.
Write down your priorities and focus on the top three for the next month. Focus is powerful. It increases our productivity while forcing us to ignore less strategic tasks. It gets us in touch with the reality that there will always be more work to do than there is time to do it. Focus contributes to a healthy pace. I try to repeat this prioritization activity at the beginning of every month. Match your output with your input.
Figure out what activities drain you and which ones replenish you and balance your schedule accordingly. If your calendar is full of draining tasks and light on replenishing ones, become more intentional about activities that refresh you.
Write them into your schedule. Understand the law of diminishing returns. When we overwork on a regular basis it gets increasingly harder for us to recover emotionally. I lift weights times per week. I need time off in-between to let the stretched muscles recover. If I lifted every day I would actually inhibit fitness. I would experience the law of diminishing returns.
As mentioned earlier, most of the pastors I know work or more hours every week. While that may appear commendable, once we reach 45 hours in a work week, our productivity quickly heads south. The law of diminishing returns applies to everyone, whether you are a pastor, farmer, doctor, teacher or businessman. It is simply part of being human. And if we regularly put in hours a week — or more - we are tearing emotional muscles without giving them sufficient time to heal.
That unbalanced approach catapults us toward burnout. And when we reach the burnout stage, our output is severely diminished. Separate ministry work from your personal life. This is a learned behavior that is easy to write about, but much harder to practice. The ministry possesses an intrusive element. Emergencies happen.
But real emergencies rarely happen. You cannot control real crises — but understand that not every animated request from a member of your church is a real emergency.
Learn to distinguish between what is valid and what is not. Disconnecting from work means you shut off your PC when you get home. Turn off the sound indicators on your smartphone that signal an email or text message has arrived. If you don't you will be tempted to look and all of a sudden the separation you are attempting to gain is lost. It only takes one email or text message to get the work wheels spinning. To summarize, one of the most important indicators on your emotional gauge is your pace.
The apostles learned this firsthand from Jesus: "The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, 'Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest. Rather, it is a crucial part of maintaining balance in the face of the ever-present demands of ministry.
Your friendships. As we noted earlier, pastoral ministry can be extremely isolating. The day-to-day firefighting many leaders engage in leave them worn out and often feeling too tired for the important work of friendship building. Pastor, when was the last time you hung out with your friends just to have fun? Ecclesiastes points out that "Two are better than one, because they have a better return for their work. We get a better emotional return in life when we're linked up with other likeminded individuals.
The tendency of pastors to become isolated leads to emotional trouble. Make your friends a part of your weekly schedule. And if you are struggling to find quality friends Join an organization that aligns with your interests or hobbies. Golf and bowling leagues are everywhere. If you like to build things with your hands, join a Habitat for Humanity or similar project. Use technology to your advantage. Skype or Face-Time are excellent ways to stay in touch with long-distance friends.
Smile when you meet people. I need to work on this one. A genuine smile is both magnetic and disarming. If you walk with the weight of the world on your face, people will tend to avoid you. Become a good listener. Someone told me a long time ago "The subject of highest interest to most people is themselves. Avoid the temptation to focus on yourself. Your emotional maintenance. Just like you have a maintenance plan for your car, there are habits you can develop that will help you maintain your emotions.
They are not quick fixes; they need to become your lifestyle. The process is not like jump-starting a dead battery. The negative effects of running your life for years on the edge schedule-wise will not be reversed in a week.
Emotional maintenance items include: a. Proverbs states: "A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones. It releases chemicals in our brain that reduce stress hormone levels and lift our mood.
Earlier in this book I detailed my battle with clinical depression. One of the key strategies I applied while recovering was what I like to call comedy therapy. In the depths of my emotional darkness, watching my favorite funny movie on a regular basis made me laugh and helped me to heal.
Leading an organization can squeeze the joy out of your life. If you want to maintain proper emotional fuel levels you need to add some good clean fun to your schedule.
Research proves that exercise helps us burn off nervous energy and reduce stress. I find that to be true of my own personal experience. When I've had a stressful day there is nothing like pounding the weights at the rec center to bring relief. Walking outside was effective too.
At the onset of my depression, I did not belong to a gym and we didn't have a weight set at home — so I walked every day, regardless of the weather. I found my mood improved when I did this.
Some pastors sometimes point to Paul's words to the young pastor Timothy in 1 Timothy 4 as their rationale for avoiding exercise. Verse 8 says — "Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things He said it was of "some" value. Many research scientists suggest exercise can be as effective as antidepressant medication in elevating our mood.
I am not suggesting you need to become a bodybuilder or a marathon runner to maintain good emotional health. But you do need to get your body moving. Exercise is a good use of your time and helps you refuel. Let me digress here momentarily to touch on the subject of medication.
A general bias exists in the Church against antidepressant medication. How many of you would have no problem taking insulin if you were diabetic? Would you use pain medication if you were recovering from surgery? It has the potential to stabilize the depressed person so they are able to work on the roots of their affliction. Be aware that medication alone will not bring full recovery — but it allows a better chance for full recovery to occur.
Enough said. Take time for the mundane. This means striking a balance between involvement in the eternal and the "not-so-eternal. Plant some flowers; play 18 holes; visit a museum. For our 25th wedding anniversary I surprised my wife with ballroom dancing lessons.
When you are learning how to cha-cha, you have no time to worry about work. Develop emotional tenacity. Pastoral ministry does not sentence you to a lifetime of wimpy-ness. Emotional tenacity combines the qualities of love, kindness, truth and strength. It requires us to become comfortable speaking the truth in love. This is a critical skill for us to develop if we want to keep our emotional tank full.
We see this behavior operating in the lives of Moses and Jesus. According to the Bible, Moses was the meekest man on earth during his lifetime. Yet we notice him experiencing the emotion of righteous anger when the Israelites worshipped the golden calf. Jesus was sinless, yet we see Him feel and express strong emotion on multiple occasions, usually when He saw people being ripped off under the guise of religion. In one instance, He overturned the money-changers' tables in the Temple and drove them out with a whip.
We are not Moses or Jesus. So what does emotional tenacity look like for us? At a high-level, it means understanding that there is a time to be legitimately angry. There are situations that require us to be strong and firm Failure to develop here sets a pastor up to get pushed around.
And getting pushed around makes it harder to maintain proper fuel levels. Obviously refueling emotionally takes practice. It requires us to think and act counter-culturally We live in a nation where being part of the rat race is expected, saluted, honored and cheered. What once was thought of as a ridiculous pace has become the new normal. The old expression "I'd rather burn out for God than rust out" sounds heroic but in reality it is a pitiful and dangerous mentality.
If adopted, it shortens a pastor's shelf-life. For some church leaders their busy-ness has become their identity. Why do we work this way? At the root, we are afraid. Afraid of not having enough That kind of fear-based approach to life and work is a recipe for anxiety burnout and depression. Remember Psalm l-3a: "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.
In summary here is the emotional infrastructure required to enjoy sustained health: 1. Practice biblical self-love as the foundation 2. Manage your anger 3. Protect yourself from abuse 4. The first revolves around how to identify depression in yourself or in other people. The second brings to attention several traps that can interfere with recovery. In Chapter 1 we discovered depression is more than the inevitable sadness or disappointment that comes with living in a fallen world.
Everyone has a blue day or two occasionally. What we are dealing with here involves more than experiencing a few bad days in a row. So the question is — how do we distinguish genuine depression from normal emotional mood shifts? Clinical depression can be identified by a combination of five or more recognizable symptoms that last for at least two weeks. These warning signs tend to coalesce around ten common signals we need to pay attention to.
Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping. My battle with depression included intense insomnia. I would climb into bed about PM, lay awake until AM, finally drift off to sleep for hours and then be awake for the rest of the night.
This pattern continued for several weeks and intensified my depressed mood. Overeating or appetite loss. My experience included a significant decrease of appetite along with considerable weight loss.
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies that once proved pleasurable, including sex. Normal daily life At the low point of my depression and for several months afterward while recovering, my interest in sex was noticeably diminished.
A depressed person often complains of having no energy to deal with people. Therefore, they tend to isolate themselves, which usually compounds a person's distress. Consequently it is critical to surround yourself with the right kind of people during your battle with this affliction. Their qualifications include being loving and supportive people who are genuinely committed to you.
Although they may like to, they are wise enough to avoid trying to speed up your recovery. Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment. In my case, I experienced phantom physical symptoms, such as numbness in my arms and legs.
Neurological tests ruled out any physical explanation for those sensations. I also suffered with a persistent feeling of choking coupled with difficulty breathing. Once again, multiple visits to my family doctor and an ear-nose-throat specialist yielded no explanation. The ENT specialist suggested it could be stress-related. I found out soon after that he was right. Fatigue and decreased energy. At the bottom of my emotional black hole I found it difficult to accomplish much of anything.
I would go into the office, knock one item off the list and find myself totally exhausted. The congregation member, who volunteered with youth and children at the Bay area Especially the volunteer's name: John "Johnny" Ortberg III, the pastor's youngest son. If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out the boat, by John Ortberg.
I really love that John Ortberg is writing a book that is as much about a tribute to the work of Dallas Willard in his life as it is about soul keeping as a subject.
He, like you, is a man. James, you and John get started on the mission statement. John Ortberg "The miracle of Sunday is that a dead man lives. ISBN The Unpredictable Impact of the Inescapable Jesus. I'm Jay. An announcement of the return of John Ortberg to the pulpit.
What are you waiting for? Intimacy with God can happen right now if you want it. Clear Filter. We have collected all of them and made stunning John Ortberg Jr. In fact, since its publication in , it's probably been read by hundreds of thousands of people in the United States including, I imagine, most of Ortberg's Menlo Park, California, congregation who probably have personalised autographed copies and John Ortberg is the senior pastor at Menlo Church, an author, and a speaker.
Pastor John Ortberg brings fresh insight into the life of Jesus on earth, through which we can better grasp the nature of God in heaven. They are leading a happy married life and have three children together as well namely Christina, Matthew, and Sandy.
They acquired Zondervan, the world's leading Bible and 'Christian For apart from me you can do nothing. He is the Lord of Lords. Ortberg does an excellent job of explaining how you and I are more than a body, a mind, and free-will.
The younger Ortberg denies acting inappropriately towards children and to date, no one has come forward with allegations claiming otherwise. Lire 1 Peter en ligne, lire sur mobile ou Kindle. Social media furiously fluttered, drew hard lines, and lobbed rocks.
Jesus is the Smartest Person ever to live. John Ortberg has resigned from Menlo Church following investigations into his decision to allow his son to work with children despite admitting he was attracted to minors. Then say to them, Thus says the Lord God: I will take the people of Israel from the nations among which they have gone, and will gather them from every quarter, and bring them to their own land.
Mary A. Posts about John Ortberg written by sashacruz. Ortberg: They tend to kind of write themselves as the books come along!
Tituly od John Ortberg na Gorila. While attending Wheaton College in the late s, Ortberg was a member of the Scholastic Honor Society and graduated summa cum laude in with a B. Buy a cheap copy of Now What? God's Guide to Life for book by John Ortberg. His opening lines guaranteed that this study was coming and that it would be an important addition to the library of great studies with cross-cultural topics.
Evil is real. In his Twitter thread, Danny writes that he and Grace became aware of Saabah's account last summer, when they were trying to raise awareness about the misconduct scandal at Menlo Church, in which Ortberg Jr.
Daniel Lavery. Ortberg, J. When do we get started? The younger son exploded in rebellion. But nothing in a church or in a family stays hidden forever. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia John Ortberg, Jr.
For the next three weeks, we are going to study the parable of the prodigal son. His birth sign is Sagittarius and his life path number is 9. Where is John Ortberg? Asked By Wiki User. He said of a church he once attended that the members passed judgment on the spiritually inferior. Portland is this great city in the Pacific Northwest buzzing with culture - food, drink, coffee, indie bands, and lots of depressed people.
Today you can see God in action. To connect with John Ortberg, join Facebook today. Lavery is the founder, writer and editor of the popular feminist humor blog The Toast [11] and the current author of the " Dear Prudence " advice column for the Slate online magazine. He is the son of Christian author John Ortberg. Willow Creek Av Fanny Willman 02 augusti Emner og form. So Ortberg was a great eye opener and influence.
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